Topic: Lotion

Body Lotions Now Double As Food

Body Lotions Now Double As Food

Remember that scene in The Handmaid’s Tale where the heroine asks the Commander if she could have some hand lotion, and he tells her that he’s surprised she needs any because her hands are very soft? And she replies that she’s been using pats of butter, and he laughs, as though that is charming and ingenious, where, really, it is a sad thing because she lives in a futuristic dystopia and, as a woman, cannot procure hand lotion? Margaret Atwood was right about everything!

Or, at least, she was right about the fact that we’re going to use food as beauty products. That is a thing we’re doing, now. More »

Which $1000 Beauty Product Is Right For You?

Which $1000 Beauty Product Is Right For You?

Are you currently lighting hundred dollar bills on fire because you like how Ben Franklin’s face gets all crackly? Crackle, crackle, Benji! Crackle your little wig! I think I went to a weird place there, also, I am poor, now. Anyhow, if that’s something you do, too, maybe you should also be buying the $1,000 wrinkles creams featured in New Beauty (print). But which one? Which goddamn one? I will help you. More »

Is Dove’s VisibleCare Body Wash Ad Racist?

Is Dove's VisibleCare Body Wash Ad Racist?

The Internet is abuzz today with news of an unintentionally racist skincare ad from those generally inoffensive lovers of “real beauty” over at Dove. Although the “before” and “after” copy is meant to refer to the close-ups of dry/not dry skin, the models are positioned under the words in such as way as to imply that VisibleCare Body Wash will give black women “visibly more beautiful skin” by turning them first into latinas, and then into skinny blonde white women. Uncomfortable! More »

This Lotion Won’t Let The Bedbugs Bite

This Lotion Won't Let The Bedbugs Bite

You know how it is. You wake up one morning with welts all over your legs and call everyone you know to tell them you have bedbugs, which you knew you were going to get, you knew it, you knew it, you knew it, because bedbugs are everywhere. And then you call in the bedbug dog, and he doesn’t find any bedbugs, and you have to go to a dermatologist and he tells you that you have hives, probably because you’re worrying about bedbugs so much. Well. That wouldn’t have happened to the same extent (to you) if you’d had this bedbug repelling lotion. Belegenza Timeless Skin Moisturize– retails for $40 and the ingredients are said to repel bedbugs. Because, as Fashionista states, “Any girl worth her Alaia, Chanel, and Phoebe Philo’s Chloe archive should not be taking chances with bed bug infestations.” Or psychosomatic bedbug hives. More »