Red Carpet Rundown: A Fashion Disaster Dystopia At The 2013 Billboard Music Awards
15 Reasons The Men In Your Life Are Not Don Draper
Harlotry: My Fetish House Got Raided And I Was Arrested (Part II)
There Is Going To Be A Small Penis Contest In Brooklyn
Nobody Liked Justin Bieber Last Night, As Shown In GIFs
Introducing ‘Fatkinis,’ A Bikini Line Exclusively For Women Sizes 10 – 24
It’s not easy being a tourist in different country. If you can’t speak the language it can be near brutal. You catch yourself flapping your arms furiously while trying to communicate the most simple phrases while the local across from you stares at you in confusion. More
As anybody who has ever worked in food service or retail knows, the holiday season sucks. They just completely and totally suck. You’re overworked, probably underpaid, everybody tips you less because they’re trying to save money — which is understandable but nonetheless very frustrating — and your bosses are constantly stressed out at you. Oh, and people will yell at you. For no reason. Just… no reason. You’ll smile sweetly because you have to, but inside, you will contemplate headbutting them with the strength of 1000 Guy Fieris. More
We recently got back from a wonderful week on vacation in Berlin*. While there, we mistakenly partook in the local drunk food specialty–currywurst!–before heading off to a nice restaurant for our last evening in the city. Sure enough, the currywurst did not agree with us and we sat there in a crowd of urbane Germans with horrible visions of throwing up all over them and their fancy restaurant. It then occurred to us: nobody wants to be that American, vomitting all over the locals! Hence, today’s Illustrated Guide is intended to aid our fellow Americans in giving a good impression while visiting those threateningly sophisticated nations known collectively as Europe. More
This week, a terrible lady made Deputy Editor Ashley Cardiff feel very bad about her own manners–which defeats the purpose of manners! Ashley told EIC Jennifer Wright, who has also experienced the toxic, passive aggressive “You’re welcome,” and she explained that when people do this, you have to scream at them. You have to scream hard. Here, they discuss the best way to shame people for being passive aggressive assholes… More
Usually when I am unhappy with the service at a fine dining establishment I just torch the place on my way out. Though that was not the case with 76 year old plutocrat John Castle! When he was out dining at Club Colette, a private dining club in Florida, his wife requested the cheque. The waiter brought the cheque to the table. That fucking fool. More
Every now and then, we all wonder about whether we’ve behaved appropriately in a given social situation. Did we say something rude? Was seven bacon-wrapped shrimp more than our fair share? More
This nice white girl divides her time between library ephiphanies and being a horrible human being.
It’s a social scenario we’ve all encountered. You find yourself talking about something you don’t want to be talking about, and suddenly, you need an out. There’s no good way to escape the conversation or to get away from the person you’re talking to. You need a subject change, and you need it immediately. More
Over at Techrunch, there’s a douche-ily titled post called “I Will Check My Phone At Dinner And You Will Deal With It,” by MG Siegler. Its content is fairly self-explanatory: the writer insists that checking your phone while having dinner with friends — despite his mother’s protests — is the wave of the future, and so it’s not rude. More
This Will Drive Your Man Wild Before Sex
3 Ways He Can Tell You're Faking An Orgasm
6 Ways Sex Can Make You More Attractive
Why Kissing Matters During Foreplay
Woman Divorces Soldier Who Lost Legs Because She Wants A Normal Life
There are lots of things — such as having your phone turned off for not paying the bill and deciding not to shave your pits because you love nature — that are sort of cute when you’re young and adorable and become increasingly grotesque as you age. There’s a life cycle on hapless damsel-in-distress behavior — even Sandra Bullock has outlived her ability to play a winsome, helpless idiot in our nation’s romantic comedy industry. More
When I was taking cotillion classes as a kid, our teachers would reiterate that the point of etiquette was to be an equalizer. In other words, since we all knew what politenesses were expected of us in social situations, everyone would feel comfortable. However, that’s not the case. Different cultures have different standards of etiquette, and etiquette often becomes a way to quickly indicate who came from the ‘right’ background and who didn’t. While common etiquette united the kids in my social circle, anyone from a different background would have immediately given themselves away as an outsider when they didn’t grab the right fork or know the proper pleasantry to use. More
You know how some people say that alcoholics have to hit rock bottom before they become committed to change?
It’s possible to hit the rock-bottom of stress. When I was 24, the company I had been running for five years failed and my office landlord sued me and locked me out of the building, causing my office plants to die of dehydration. Before, I had been a neurotic, shouting, stomping, panic-attacked stresspuppy. However, at some point during the breakdown of my company, the stress-producing part of my brain became so overloaded that it broke. Like I blew a speaker. And now? I’m chill. More chill than I’d have ever thought I had the genetic capacity to be. And all without having to spend time being tortured in a third world prison (another way that people end up realizing that the little things don’t matter so much, although often at the expense of the normal functioning of important body parts).
After watching a long series of boyfriends end calls to customer service by telling a call center worker in Mumbai to fuck herself because she is a dumb bitch — or return home in a murderous rage following a sojourn to the cell phone store / a TSA screening / returning the cable box to the cable company — I thought maybe I could share some tips for mentally turning other people’s incompetence to your own advantage. More
There are some things that, as a modern woman, you know to watch out for upon showing up at a given soiree. We’re all careful not to fall down the stairs, for instance, thanks to Tai in Clueless (although that … More
Have you ever noticed that every religion/ethnicity has its own definition of “time”? I’ve been told that black/Jewish/Indian/Italian/basically everyone time is a nice way of saying “late.” However, I am not on any of those times. I am on “early for everything, always” time. And I feel like a total fucking loser.
I’m on Deaf People Time. Both of my parents are hearing impaired, and in the deaf community there’s often a rush to get somewhere early so you can get a seat with a good vision line for the interpreter. I’m also Southern, and was taught that being late for things is not fashionable, just rude. But moving to New York made me the odd one out. I always bring a book, because even my most prompt friend will still get there five minutes after me. I’ve lied to habitually late friends about start dates of events so that they show up on time. More
