Topic: Mark Wahlberg

There was a pumpkin shortage! Even though the shortage is said to have started to end, this is terrible news. It’s fall and we have less pumpkins. Blasphemy! CNN claims that the reason for a scarcity of canned pumpkins on our grocery store shelves this year was because of three years of bad weather. I’m blaming it on the celebrities. All those celebrities going to Mr. Bones’ Pumpkin Patch in West Hollywood, California, are the cause of us eating less pumpkin pie, fewer pumpkin seeds (which I can’t find ANYWHERE … please help!) and less cupcakes filled with pumpkin pie. Mr. Bones is basically a pumpkin patch solely open for celebrity fame whores to pose for pictures with their children and Yorkshire terriers and show that they’re just like us. So all those cans of pumpkin missing from the grocery store are missing because the pumpkins are being used as props for celebrity photo ops. Thanks, celebrities. Thanks, a lot. More »