- 196 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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It was four hours into the third ceremony and Ashley Tisdale was starting to show signs of the effects of an eight-day bender. She’d disappeared for a huge chunk of time during the video montage, then reappeared under the Red Bull tent drinking something vicious and green out of a mason jar. “I can’t trust you,” she told the Red Bull spokesman repeatedly, sobbing openly. “I love you, but I don’t trust you.” She hit him in the face before curling up in a patch of grass and falling asleep. More










