Topic: Names

Predicting Baby Hashtag’s Future

Predicting Baby Hashtag's Future

So, someone named their child Hashtag.

Little Hashtag is going to, from an early age, have a deep rooted desire to compartmentalize everything. You know that scene in high school movies where some nerdy kid shows a chart of how the cafeteria arranged in order of popularity? Hastag is going to do that. Unfortunately, since no one has ever done that in real life, people are going to think that Hashtag is a lunatic.

But he’s going to make great lists, later.

Here are some likely outcomes for other names, since this will be a trend now. More »

Bullish Life: How To Remember Names (Without Stupid Mnemonic Devices)

Bullish Life: How To Remember Names (Without Stupid Mnemonic Devices)

I teach evening classes to adults, and I often have about 90 students at a time. I remember all their names (at least the names of the students who show up regularly).

My first year of teaching, I didn’t. I just gave up: there are 16 of them per class and only one of me, and also a lot of them are named “Iftikhar” and “Joo-Eun.”

Once, I forgot a student’s name, and he said, “It’s John. John. Like a toilet.” And that made me sad. And I did indeed think of a toilet every time I called on him. This is not how John or I want to live.

There are some very good ways to remember names. More »

Slut-Congratulations, Vanessas!

Slut-Congratulations, Vanessas!

CONGRATULATIONS VANESSA! TO YOU AND YOUR 10.2 PARTNERS!

(10.2 – does this qualify you for slut-congratulating? Is this a thing we can start? Slut congratulating? Okay, 10.2 is the minimum for congratulations. I am sure this is true because a male contributor to Cosmo magazine once said that if you have had more than 10 partners, you should lie about it, because otherwise your boyfriend will imagine you blowing an entire fraternity. Which seemed oddly specific! So, slut congratulations to all the 10-plus women. As for the rest of you, don’t worry. You’ll get there. One day. God willing.) More »