Topic: News

The Sun Will Keep Page 3 Forever

The Sun Will Keep Page 3 Forever

You might wonder why a newspaper has a page dedicated towards women being topless, but then, I guess you might not wonder why a newspaper would not have such a page, since it exists. And then I would say, “I guess because that does not seem particularly newsworthy? Because unless that women is talking about Supreme Court cases, breasts are rarely news, the obvious exception being ‘when those breasts belong to Angelina Jolie.” More »

News For Bitches: We’re All About To Get Timberlanded in 5…4…3…

News For Bitches: We're All About To Get Timberlanded in 5...4...3...

Questions that will be answered this week by your all-knowing host:
- Why will the new Justin Timberlake album likely raise birth rates?
- What’s the real problem we need Lululemon to start fixing for us?
- Which disease has Downton Abbey‘s Dan Stevens caught — one that he shares with Hugh Jackman, Tom Hanks and Christian Bale?
- Who is Instagramming her weird bloody face? More »

Rapists Aren’t Victims

Rapists Aren't Victims

In perhaps the most bizarre possible twist to the Steubenville rape story the rapists have become seen as these bright, excellent young men who have sadly had their lives destroyed. Why did they have their lives destroyed? Why do they have to suffer this way? Why can’t they go on to great colleges and play football and just be great, like tigers?

Because they raped someone. More »

According To The Daily Mail…

According To The Daily Mail...

Every morning, I try to do a “newsy” piece. I was mentioning to a friend that it means that, at least one a day, I type the phrase “according to The Daily Mail” because they are a publication that is all lady issues, all the time. Just only issues about how stars have cellulite in their armpits. I thought maybe I could cut down on the time I spend doing that if you could just reference this post, every morning, forever. Reference this for the rest of your life, because I’ve covered every single article. More »

Diane Sawyer Has Always Loved To Party!

Diane Sawyer Has Always Loved To Party!

Yesterday, after her fantastic election night performance during ABC’s election coverage (wherein she alternated between getting really sad about people who had “literally died” and laughing with unrestrained glee about precision tweeting) some people began to wonder if Diane Sawyer possibly “popped an Ambien and had some Chardonnay.” No. Wrong. It was almost certainly merlot. More »

Strippers Look At The GOP Convention As A Huge Business Opportunity

Strippers Look At The GOP Convention As A Huge Business Opportunity

The GOP convention is an important event for the politicians involved, the party in general and the convention. It is also really important for the stripping community of Tampa. It is a huge business opportunity and a confirmation of every dirty old man stereotype. Strip clubs are counting on the GOP convention to ‘make it rain’ for a whole week, according to an extremely long and detailed article on Republicans and their affection for strip clubs on CNN. But the impending hurricane as well as strict warnings and adviser bans for members of the GOP could turn that rain into a drizzle. More »

Fashion Director Justifies Pricey Kiddie Fashion By Calling Kids ‘Walking Billboards’

Fashion Director Justifies Pricey Kiddie Fashion By Calling Kids âWalking Billboardsâ

It’s not a secret that mothers and fathers are now actively parenting in the age of the “mini-me.” And with back to school shopping underway, that sect of the parenting world is rolling out the credit cards, particularly with the growing children’s luxury brand industry. This means why opt for Target dresses when you can get Christian Dior silk party dress? Why get your child those back-to-school Adidas when $200 Gucci sneakers are available in kids’ sizes? More »