Topic: pale skin

How To Tan In 6 Steps (With Pale Skin, Or Normal Skin, Or Whatever Skin You Have)

How To Tan In 6 Steps (With Pale Skin, Or Normal Skin, Or Whatever Skin You Have)

So, I went to the beach for the past few days, and now I’m red like a lobster. God, I’m in pain. It feels great! I’m going to be so pretty when this is over! No, I’m not, I’m going to be peeling like a reptile. A goddamn reptile. I make bad choices, huh? Like Lindsay’s daughter’s friends. Just let me lie to myself a little longer.

Look, I looked like Wednesday Addams at the country club, okay? I had a lot of issues about who I was, and who I am, and whether or not I wanted to fit in, so I bought a Lily Pulitzer dress and then I lay out by the pool with no suntan lotion on for three hours. In many ways, my vacation would have been written by Bret Easton Ellis if he did a lot of Klonopin.

And I am a lobster now, ripe for considering. Afterward, I looked up a lot of facts about tanning, while sitting very erect at my computer, because I can’t move, because it hurts too much. Anyhow. If you want to get skin cancer, this is how you go about getting it in the most beautiful manner. More »

Does This Lingerie Match Their Skin Tone?

Does This Lingerie Match Their Skin Tone?

M&S is launching a line of “invisible” lingerie to match women’s skin tones! Which is a completely brilliant idea! Except that – according to my eyes – this lingerie is visible, doesn’t appear to match anyone’s skin tone. Because, you know, human skin isn’t eggshell colored (though I commend them on finding one model who does, indeed, have a whiter shade of pale skin). But science went into this! The Daily Mail reports: More »