Firstborn (male): You will always turn in library books a day early or a day late; never on time. At any given point in your life one of your best friends will secretly and intensely resent you. You will never be sure which one it is. Upon reaching your seventh birthday, you will find that you can understand the speech of birds; unfortunately, all birds are constantly talking shit about you, even swans. More
Girl Scouts introduce new cookie: Savannah Smiles! More
You know how they say eyes are the window to the soul? They’re not. It’s your bra. That’s why men are always staring at your chest.
It says things! Did you know that? It says things to everyone! Here is what is says. More
Every couple of years when I was in elementary school in Virginia, my whole class would answer a questionnaire about our skills and interests. Two weeks or so later, we would receive recommendations of careers we would enjoy. Someone told me the test had been developed by the Boy Scouts, and that seemed to make sense, because I had read a few Hardy Boys novels, and it seemed to me that the test had been developed by the Boy Scouts circa 1955. More
A lot of people say that the science of phrenology – discerning someone’s personality traits by the shape of their skull – is “hogwash” but I say those people have skulls the shape of walnuts (murderers, liars). As you can see from Ben Greenman’s application of the chart to Sarah Palin’s skull, the science is totally accurate. You betcha. More
Facebook: The mighty jungle of the internet. Full of strange and fascinating creatures, this Book of Face contains a veritable wealth of knowledge about commonly found internet personalities. The folks over at The Frisky have discovered through much diligent research and careful wall analysis the existence of nine spectacular Facebook specimens. We here at Team Gloss have continued The Frisky’s excellent work, and behold! We have discovered what we believe to be six additional specimens! We present our findings here: More
“Do you sleep on your back, your stomach, or your side? A recent study by sleep expert Chris Idzikowski, director of the Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service, suggested a correlation between six common sleeping positions and the personality traits of … More