Topic: relationships

Approaching Your Valentine: A Dialogue

Approaching Your Valentine: A Dialogue

“It’s the milk, that’s the reason.”

“I’m sorry?”

“The milk. The rest of it I don’t mind.”

“The rest of what?”

“Of everything. It’s the milk. They only sell it in quarts, you know. Which doesn’t seem like that much, I realize, but I really don’t drink milk as often as I used to. Do you find that’s the case? As you get older? You drink less milk than you used to, I mean.” More »

What Happens After You Take Your Revenge

What Happens After  You Take Your Revenge

Blue Cantrell, “Hit ‘Em Up Style”

Revenge: “Can’t believe that I caught my man cheatin’/So I found another way to make him pay for it all/So I went
To Neiman-Marcus on a shopping spree/And on the way I grabbed Soley and Mia/And as the cash box rang I thought everything away.”
Criminal offenses: Identity theft, larceny, credit card fraud, destruction of property. More »

Where You’re Likeliest To Fall In Love This Weekend

Where You're Likeliest To Fall In Love This Weekend

With one of the strong-armed, genderless angels hauling produce at the farmers’ market: 1 to 6

With the husky-voiced, slouchy-cap wearing barista indistinguishable from all the other baristas at whatever coffee shop you frequent: 1 to 9

With someone who has recently changed his or her avatar on Twitter: 1 to 4

With someone you know or have an actual relationship with: 1 to 12

With someone on the bus who makes eye contact with you: 1 to 5

With someone on the bus who does not make eye contact with you: 1 to 3

With someone you see on the sidewalk while staring out of the bus who seems empathetic: 1 to 1 More »

The Problem Of Handsome Men

The Problem Of Handsome Men

I trust that this is a safe space for me to admit that I find handsome dudes terrifying to a socially obliterating degree. I cannot endure them. I cannot handle them. They are a menace, and they are everywhere, and they have a thousand scarves, and I don’t know what to do about them. More »

What We Know To Be True About Jolene

What We Know To Be True About Jolene

1. She takes men. They have no choice in the matter.
2. She does not need them; she takes them “just because [she] can. We can therefore infer she already has at least one man of her own, possibly more.
3. She is not moved by begging. There is no mercy in her.
4. She has red (“flaming”) hair, green eyes, and smells like spring, much like Poison Ivy in the Batman comics. More »