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Boyfriend academy
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Boyfriend coupon book
Boyfriend does my makeup
Boyfriend eats all my food
Boyfriend flirts with best friend
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Boyfriend has no friends
Boyfriend ignores me More
“It’s the milk, that’s the reason.”
“I’m sorry?”
“The milk. The rest of it I don’t mind.”
“The rest of what?”
“Of everything. It’s the milk. They only sell it in quarts, you know. Which doesn’t seem like that much, I realize, but I really don’t drink milk as often as I used to. Do you find that’s the case? As you get older? You drink less milk than you used to, I mean.” More
Blue Cantrell, “Hit ‘Em Up Style”
Revenge: “Can’t believe that I caught my man cheatin’/So I found another way to make him pay for it all/So I went
To Neiman-Marcus on a shopping spree/And on the way I grabbed Soley and Mia/And as the cash box rang I thought everything away.”
Criminal offenses: Identity theft, larceny, credit card fraud, destruction of property. More
With one of the strong-armed, genderless angels hauling produce at the farmers’ market: 1 to 6
With the husky-voiced, slouchy-cap wearing barista indistinguishable from all the other baristas at whatever coffee shop you frequent: 1 to 9
With someone who has recently changed his or her avatar on Twitter: 1 to 4
With someone you know or have an actual relationship with: 1 to 12
With someone on the bus who makes eye contact with you: 1 to 5
With someone on the bus who does not make eye contact with you: 1 to 3
With someone you see on the sidewalk while staring out of the bus who seems empathetic: 1 to 1 More
That’s terrible! I’m so sorry! (Hugs, ice cream, vodka!) You don’t deserve this! More
I trust that this is a safe space for me to admit that I find handsome dudes terrifying to a socially obliterating degree. I cannot endure them. I cannot handle them. They are a menace, and they are everywhere, and they have a thousand scarves, and I don’t know what to do about them. More
And here I thought April was the cruelest month. More
Someone recently asked me what, if anything, he could do to alert his friend to the fact that his girlfriend was, as they say, “ruining his life.” I think this is a valid topic of conversation, so I’m going to try to answer it in a more general way, as I think many people have been in this situation before. More
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1. She takes men. They have no choice in the matter.
2. She does not need them; she takes them “just because [she] can. We can therefore infer she already has at least one man of her own, possibly more.
3. She is not moved by begging. There is no mercy in her.
4. She has red (“flaming”) hair, green eyes, and smells like spring, much like Poison Ivy in the Batman comics. More
Okay, let me admit something I’m a bit completely ashamed of: I’m (sigh) somewhat jealous of Taylor Swift‘s dating life. More
“She is the best of gold diggers.” More
Even if he were still angry, I’m pretty sure Brad Pitt would be all right. He’s Brad Pitt. More
I love you. I swear. I just didn’t mean to say it you; I meant to say it to someone else. More
