Topic: Russell Brand

Russell Brand Says Sex With Katy Perry Was Like Being A Monk, Which Means Monks Are More Into Whipped Cream Than I Thought

Russell Brand Says Sex With Katy Perry Was Like Being A Monk, Which Means Monks Are More Into Whipped Cream Than I Thought

When Russell Brand dies, his gravestone will read, “yeah I’m the guy who married Katy Perry, but don’t judge me dude. I hated having sex with her. Like really hated it. Sometimes I would just think about it, years later, and vomit all over myself. Truth be told, that vomit on my shirt was more appealing than her.” Or at least that’s what I assume he’ll want remembered about him after hearing that he once again brought up how much he hated having sex with her at a recent comedy show. More »

Russell Brand Wants A ‘Sexually Adventurous’ Wife, And I’m Scared To Know What That Means

Russell Brand Wants A âSexually Adventurousâ Wife, And Iâm Scared To Know What That Means

When normal people say the words ‘sexually adventurous’, I picture like, maybe a set of fuzzy handcuffs that they picked up at some novelty shop one time and break out for anniversaries. But when Russell Brand says the same words, as in, he wants a wife who is ‘sexually adventurous’, it sends a stark bolt of fear down my spine, and jolts my vagine straight into the fetal position, tiny vagine arms over its vagine head. (We all have tiny T-Rex arms on our lady parts, right? I didn’t just embarrass myself in front of all my friends? Good.) More »