Topic: Star Wars

9 Robots I Would Have So Much Sex With

9 Robots I Would Have So Much Sex With
Sonny, from I Robot
Robby the Robot from Forbidden Planet
Rick Deckard from Blade Runner
Gigolo Joe from A.I.
Andrew from Bicentennial Man

I have some pretty terrible news you guys: only 9% of Americans would have sex with a robot. You wouldn’t fuck a robot? Fuck you. They have tons of feelings. They have many more feelings than people. Every movie proves that. Imagine how much knowing that only 9% of people would sleep with them hurts their massive robot feelings.

This is how we all end up dead, you guys. This is how they turn. Every movie also proves that.

I’m not like the others. I’d have sex with you, robot friends!

(Maybe I’m a weirdo but I want to be a weirdo who lives, not one the robots harvest for fuel.) More »

Illustrated Guide: How To Find The Perfect Swimsuit For Your Body

Illustrated Guide: How To Find The Perfect Swimsuit For Your Body
Apple Shape
Dragonfruit Shape
Actual Dragon
Harlequin Baby
Club Foot

If you’ve ever read a ladymag or even seen one while in line at the grocery store, you know that every summer brings approximately one thousand guides promising to place you with the right or ideal or perfect swimsuit for your body type. They all boil down to what kind of fruit you resemble (apple/pear/ruler) (?) and really just exist to make women feel terrible about themselves (hide this/distract from that/conceal, etc) so they’ll continue on to page X for the latest celeb diet secrets. Since TheGloss is also a thing for ladies, we’ve decided to try our hand at the time-honored feature. This week’s Illustrated Guide will help you find that perfect swimsuit for your body, whatever that may be. You’re so welcome! More »

F*ck, Marry, Kill: Jabba The Hutt. ET. Spock

F*ck, Marry, Kill: Jabba The Hutt. ET. Spock

So, Prometheus just came out. Maybe you’re a diehard fan of the Alien franchise and you saw it. Maybe you’re a diehard fan of the Alien franchise and you refused. Maybe you were born well after Alien came out, had no idea Prometheus was affiliated and the only other Ridley Scott movie you’ve seen is the one where Russel Crowe is Braveheart in Rome. It doesn’t matter, either way. Editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff are thinking about aliens. Fucking them, marrying them, and killing them, specifically. More »

Why Luke Skywalker Is Sexy

Why Luke Skywalker Is Sexy

As a Star Wars fan, I wince whenever I see an article about Star Wars characters because I know that Luke Skywalker is likely to be lambasted within, (as shown in our last Fuck, Marry, Kill) but really, Luke is a classic swashbuckler, swinging across chasms with a girl in his arms, rushing headlong into danger, wearing an ominous black glove to hide the scars of his past. More »

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