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America, meet your new queen: Miss New York, Mallory Hytes Hagan. She tap-dances to James Brown, she comes from Brooklyn, where she attended the Fashion Institute of Technology; she hopes to work in global cosmetics marketing someday. Her charitable platform is the prevention of child sexual abuse and she owns at least one swimsuit. More
Never join a beauty pageant! More
We’ve already covered how to look good in a bikini, now lets tackle what the state of your swimsuit actually says about you. You know. As a person. More
Remember last week when we showed you how to find the right swimsuit for your body? Well, that was last week. This week, we’re going to zero in on the old albatross: the bikini. Now, any ladymag will tell you that the key to wearing a bikini is confidence! but they’ll sandwich that canny little platitude in between pages of celeb diet tips & tricks, photos of models airbrushed beyond recognition and pages and pages of expensive clothes and make-up you now think you need. But not TheGloss. Here, we give you fucking truth. This week’s Illustrated Guide will show you how to look good in a bikini… even if it kills you. More
If you’ve ever read a ladymag or even seen one while in line at the grocery store, you know that every summer brings approximately one thousand guides promising to place you with the right or ideal or perfect swimsuit for your body type. They all boil down to what kind of fruit you resemble (apple/pear/ruler) (?) and really just exist to make women feel terrible about themselves (hide this/distract from that/conceal, etc) so they’ll continue on to page X for the latest celeb diet secrets. Since TheGloss is also a thing for ladies, we’ve decided to try our hand at the time-honored feature. This week’s Illustrated Guide will help you find that perfect swimsuit for your body, whatever that may be. You’re so welcome! More
Yes, yes, yes. Their privacy was invaded. It’s horrible. But about these swim trunks… More
“Calling all beach bums! Find your perfect fit in our online Swim Style Finder!” is the caption of this image, posted by Victoria’s Secret to the brand’s Facebook page. It’s followed by a link to their online bikini boutique. …Which is, in turn, followed by a 2000-deep (at pub time) comment thread about how absolutely fucking ridiculous this Photoshop hatchet job looks. More
Does one need to be a skinny-minnie to wear a bikini or can we admit that no matter your size, as long as you’re comfortable, you should just go for it and critics be damned? More
Can we talk about this without sounding like a Cathy Cartoon? More
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Or on “dames”, I guess. More
Amid all the brouhaha over how unnaturally tan H&M made Caucasian models look in their latest swimwear campaign, people lost sight of how unnaturally airbrushed they made them look. Not anymore! More
This skirted monokini may take the cake. More
First of all, we’re sorry if that headline sounds like a pun. It’s not; Kristen Stewart looks legitimately vampy in her British GQ ed: Veronica Lake-style side swept hair, red lips and cat eyes. The formerly awkward Twilight star has lately been coming into her own; first with that bombshell spread in W and now this. Stewart was photographed for the November issue (wonky cover and all) by Norma Jean Roy and styled by Sally Lyndley in a number of retro swimsuits by Eres, Louis Vuitton and Michael Kors. More
Stuff is about to get dark. More
