The correlation between weight and beauty doesn’t exist if we don’t want it to–there are beautiful people at all sizes, thin, fat, or anything in between. More
It’s Summer! It’s BBQ season! It’s swimming time! It’s buy-up-all-the-aloe-and-bug-spray month! It also may be time to buy a swimsuit–and, while bikinis may be the choice of lad mags everywhere, a one piece is way more practical if you plan to do any swimming. Hence, we rounded up some currently available (++ super flattering) one piece suits all carrying a sub-$100 price tag. Enjoy. More
Quick! Guess before you click on the post! More
It’s summer, y’all! And you know what that means: time to head down to the beach to make giant penises out of sand, show your boobs to children, play velcro scatch, and engage in whatever other fun beach activities your particular group of friends may enjoy. But first, you need to buy a swimsuit, and that’s where the tricky part comes in, because some swimsuits are really, really ugly. How ugly? Well, look at these 25 I just found. None of them seem like they are serious about being swimsuits for humans to wear as they swim in the water, and yet, they are totally not joking. Let’s laugh about them together. More
Do you frequently find yourself thinking “swimsuits are basically idiotic? Why are they even a thing? Why don’t we just go swimming naked?” Lady, the 17th century was your kind of time. More
British women are over bikinis this year, and we think that’s awesome. More
You know, I think there were approximately three weeks when I was 13 immediately after watching The Craft where I would have been the prime market for this pentagram bikini. Basically The Craft taught me that it was cool to be into the occult and hang out at the beach, which I’m pretty sure was not its intended purpose, but that perspective on the world worked okay for those three pre-teen weeks. They would have worked out even better if I’d had this Bikini from MASSBlack’s ritual collection:
America, meet your new queen: Miss New York, Mallory Hytes Hagan. She tap-dances to James Brown, she comes from Brooklyn, where she attended the Fashion Institute of Technology; she hopes to work in global cosmetics marketing someday. Her charitable platform is the prevention of child sexual abuse and she owns at least one swimsuit. More
Never join a beauty pageant! More
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We’ve already covered how to look good in a bikini, now lets tackle what the state of your swimsuit actually says about you. You know. As a person. More
Remember last week when we showed you how to find the right swimsuit for your body? Well, that was last week. This week, we’re going to zero in on the old albatross: the bikini. Now, any ladymag will tell you that the key to wearing a bikini is confidence! but they’ll sandwich that canny little platitude in between pages of celeb diet tips & tricks, photos of models airbrushed beyond recognition and pages and pages of expensive clothes and make-up you now think you need. But not TheGloss. Here, we give you fucking truth. This week’s Illustrated Guide will show you how to look good in a bikini… even if it kills you. More
If you’ve ever read a ladymag or even seen one while in line at the grocery store, you know that every summer brings approximately one thousand guides promising to place you with the right or ideal or perfect swimsuit for your body type. They all boil down to what kind of fruit you resemble (apple/pear/ruler) (?) and really just exist to make women feel terrible about themselves (hide this/distract from that/conceal, etc) so they’ll continue on to page X for the latest celeb diet secrets. Since TheGloss is also a thing for ladies, we’ve decided to try our hand at the time-honored feature. This week’s Illustrated Guide will help you find that perfect swimsuit for your body, whatever that may be. You’re so welcome! More
Yes, yes, yes. Their privacy was invaded. It’s horrible. But about these swim trunks… More
“Calling all beach bums! Find your perfect fit in our online Swim Style Finder!” is the caption of this image, posted by Victoria’s Secret to the brand’s Facebook page. It’s followed by a link to their online bikini boutique. …Which is, in turn, followed by a 2000-deep (at pub time) comment thread about how absolutely fucking ridiculous this Photoshop hatchet job looks. More