This music video by Patricia Krentcil is going to burn your eyeballs as though you stared into the sun itself. Are you ready you guys? It’s Tan Mom. More
Being the result of a very dark parent and a very light parent coming together, I neither burn nor tan when I am put in the sun — I just stay skim milk blue/white. As a result of these genetics, as well as living in California for several years, I have always been somewhat curious to see how I would look as a bronze lady. Unfortunately, I am terrified of sunless tanner, so I kind of gave up that dream years ago. But I am debating trying St. Tropez, which has just debuted Kate Moss as its new “face.” More
I expect it to have all the uplifting powers of Air Bud and all the horrors of The Ring. More
Remember how Patricia Krentcil got charged with second degree child endangerment for taking her daughter with her to a tanning salon? How would you respond after that? Would you probably try to educate yourself on why people were upset by that, and ultimately use the experience to get involved with some causes that could profit from your admittedly notorious kind of celebrity? More
I can’t believe I just wrote that headline. More
Being a nice, intelligent, well-spoken person makes you likable, not your number on the scale of pale to Snooki. More
Ladies and gentlemen, today, July 5, the bikini bathing suit turns 66 years old. T More
So, the people at St. Tropez offered me a spray tan. Obviously I was pretty hesitant, because I was worried that being human colored would cause me to lose my ability to read minds and live forever. Fortunately, that’s still intact. But other stuff changed! Like… More
We know you’re out there, because literally everyone looks infinitely more tan than us. We’re kind of hoping that as we head into winter we could be a little less “Wednesday Addams meets Powder” and a little more “something that is not that.”
And we’re willing to try just about anything you recommend. More
You think you can’t wear red lipstick because you are too pale/dark/leprous? We’re going to prove you wrong! More
Now that gay marriage is legal in New York, it’s time to tackle the other pressing social justice issue of the day: tanning beds. Should they be allowed? Should they be banned? Is a tan really just between one person and one celestial body? More
You say you’d like to look deliciously tanned this summer – but you can’t leave your office for the beaches of Ibiza? And you’d prefer not to be the same color as Snooki? God, look at you, making our lives difficult again. Your outrageous requests are why we drink ourselves to sleep at night.
Fortunately, Juice Beauty has some terrific organic products that will help you achieve a natural glow and leave you feeling almost as good as if you’d booked an exciting holiday getaway. Read on for a few products that can help you achieve complexion perfection. More
You think that looking like a J. Crew model is the same thing as looking like a Brooks Brother model? You. Dumb. Whore.
By which I mean, there are some very minor differences and this will be really helpful to you the next time you go to the Cape with Thurston (tell him his boat is looking yar!)