Topic: Tanning

Australia Wisely Outlaws Tanning Beds

Australia Wisely Outlaws Tanning Beds

Australia’s melanoma rates are the highest in the world, with 1,200 deaths a year. Round after round of public health campaigns have urged locals to use sunscreen, wear hats and avoid sun during the hottest parts of the day. Now, the country’s most populous state–New South Wales, home of Sydney and the whole of the Capital Territory–has taken the campaigns a step further and banned the use of tanning beds. More »

How To Tan In 6 Steps (With Pale Skin, Or Normal Skin, Or Whatever Skin You Have)

How To Tan In 6 Steps (With Pale Skin, Or Normal Skin, Or Whatever Skin You Have)

So, I went to the beach for the past few days, and now I’m red like a lobster. God, I’m in pain. It feels great! I’m going to be so pretty when this is over! No, I’m not, I’m going to be peeling like a reptile. A goddamn reptile. I make bad choices, huh? Like Lindsay’s daughter’s friends. Just let me lie to myself a little longer.

Look, I looked like Wednesday Addams at the country club, okay? I had a lot of issues about who I was, and who I am, and whether or not I wanted to fit in, so I bought a Lily Pulitzer dress and then I lay out by the pool with no suntan lotion on for three hours. In many ways, my vacation would have been written by Bret Easton Ellis if he did a lot of Klonopin.

And I am a lobster now, ripe for considering. Afterward, I looked up a lot of facts about tanning, while sitting very erect at my computer, because I can’t move, because it hurts too much. Anyhow. If you want to get skin cancer, this is how you go about getting it in the most beautiful manner. More »

Video: Tanning Is Her Everything

Video: Tanning Is Her Everything

“Tanning is my everything because it makes me really happy. Whenever I’m sad or upset going tanning going tanning just makes me perk right up.”

On one hand, I hear these reports and think “these people are nuts” but then I always have a moment where I wish I had something that could make me instantaneously happy. Something weird. Please help me come up with things, that will preferably not turn me orange. More »