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Forgive me for being so informal, but you see, my heart has been struck by the arrow of that winged cherub, Cupid, and already I feel a nearness to you, a closeness that invites such intimacy as to call you by your given name. Oh, how I long to call your name into the infinity, Tony, Tony and again, Tony, until the echo of it is but a mere whisper into the darkness that is eternity. More
How will we, the women, retaliate? More
Valentine’s Day is a day for love, affection, and romance. And what’s more romantic than paying women you don’t know to rub their boobs on your face? More
He is my crush because he is the type of guy that on first meeting my mom he hugged her, and when his mom came to town wanted me to meet her. More
So it’s Valentine’s Day, and I’m actually pretty stoked about it. Seitan piccata, stripper boobs, and love are all on the menu, but I’ll stop before I gross you out. Because love and music are two great tastes that taste great together, I’ve assembled some of my favorite love songs using the time honored method of “type any song you want to hear into Youtube.” I could have made it downloadable, but that would technically be breaking the law, and I don’t want any trouble today. I LOVE YOU ALL. More
See, the first time I heard a song by old Brunie, the lower half of my body was set on fire and melted completely (I had to pull over, it was a mess). “God”, I thought to myself, feeling my body morph over “Just the Way You Are” and “Marry You, “This guy must be so fucking attractive.” More
For this Valentine’s Day, I decided to combine my two favorite things: makeup and dessert!
Also, this should go without saying probably, but this post is super Sam-photo-heavy. If you’re not fond of my face, you probably shouldn’t click through! More
You may be single today, on Valentine’s Day, and be fine with it. You may be single today and feeling like the world is filled with menace and terror. You may be in love today and doing nothing. You may be in love today and doing skywriting for your beloved. You maybe in love today and be being smug, and menacing.
Regardless of that, I think there are some things that everyone can get together and acknowledge are pretty good about Valentine’s day. Namely: More
Chocolates? Flowers? Tiny figurines of gnomes? No. There’s something better for Valentine’s day, and here is an ad for it. More
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Because I love you more than I’ve ever loved some stupid Valentine, let’s commiserate, shall we? More
Kiss me. More
I will never stop loving these love stories. Nor will I ever stop crying, apparently? This is much better than The Notebook. This. Right here. He can still smell her shampoo, and he put a tiara on her helmet. More
Being inept at fashion in general, I had assumed that Fashion Week might just hold those beautiful, romantic looks I’ve been searching for all this time. Sadly, I was mistaken. The runways are cray. They’re amazing and interesting and gorgeous, no doubt, but totally cray. More
It is that time of year again. The time of year when your boyfriend is legally required to send flowers to your office. I do not know if that is a law, but if feels like one, to many men. We talked to some of them, and they told us that they’d probably like Valentine’s day more if they got stuff, too. Here are some of the things they’d like. More
