Topic: Wed Bed Dead

Disney Dads Wed Bed Dead: How Exactly Do You Have Sex With A Merman?

Disney Dads Wed Bed Dead: How Exactly Do You Have Sex With A Merman?

On this season finale of Wed Bed Dead, we’re getting heated over Disney Dads. We’ll be debating the merits of the miniature Sultan from Aladdin, the doomed but comforting Mufasa from The Lion King, and the surprisingly ripped King Triton from The Little Mermaid. We’ll grapple with a few of life’s greater quandaries: how do mermen and mermaids have sex with each other? Is it still weird to fuck a lion? We’ll figure it out together.  More »

Wed Bed Dead Don’t Throw Up On Patrick Swayze’s Beautiful Head!

Wed Bed Dead Don't Throw Up On Patrick Swayze's Beautiful Head!

This week on Wed Bed Dead, we’re celebrating summer–perfect for sweltering romances, climactic dance sequences, and… very unsettling casual reference to sexual assault? Our trio today is lovestruck greaser Danny Zuko (played by John Travolta) from Grease, working class dance instructor Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayze) from Dirty Dancing and recalcitrant camp counselor Andy (Paul Rudd) from Wet Hot American Summer. It’s a tough choice–we don’t want to change our entire personalities for a high schooler, we’re both perfectly content being put in the corner and… no one wants to be told they taste like a burger. More »

Wed Bed Dead: Don’t Have Sex With The Wolverine Because His Metal Bones Will Crush You

Wed Bed Dead: Don't Have Sex With The Wolverine Because His Metal Bones Will Crush You

This week, The Wolverine enters the theaters and lovers of tiny hairy men and superfluous definite articles rejoice. Here at The Gloss, two huge fans of tiny hairy men and superfluous definite articles are debating a trio of the Marvelverse’s most famous mutants–gruff and effectively immortal anti-hero (the) Wolverine, kinetic energy master/hot Cajun thief Gambit and metal-controlling apex predator Magneto. Of course, we couldn’t talk about X-Men without some nods to teleporting husband material Nightcrawler, lame duck Cyclops and… uh… Spiderman? More »

Wed Bed Dead: Jaime & Cersei Lannister Commit Incest Because They’re Both Hot, Right?

Wed Bed Dead: Jaime & Cersei Lannister Commit Incest Because They're Both Hot, Right?

This week on WBD, Jennifer is really missing Game of Thrones, so she asked to fill the long, slow slog between season three’s finale and season four’s premiere with a House Lannister-themed game. Our subjects will be stodgy old coot Tywin, hard-partying sass mouth Tyrion and conflicted but conventionally goodlooking Jaime. Spoiler alert: everybody dies at some point, even though it seems like they’re the hero. More »

Famous Virgins Wed Bed Dead: Just Because Jon Snow Is Good At “Tongue Stuff” Doesn’t Mean We Want To F*ck Him

Famous Virgins Wed Bed Dead: Just Because Jon Snow Is Good At "Tongue Stuff" Doesn't Mean We Want To F*ck Him

This week, in honor of my new book Night Terrors, we’re playing a fraught game of WBD with three famous virgins. Not that the book is really about virginity (or losing it) but it is about sex and anxiety so it seemed like pretty appropriate territory. We’ll be playing with Sir Isaac Newton, king of science, Britney Spears, onetime Princess of Pop, and Game of ThronesJon Snow, master of the “tongue stuff.” More »

4th Of July Wed Bed Dead: The Disturbing Truth About George Washington’s Teeth

4th Of July Wed Bed Dead: The Disturbing Truth About George Washington's Teeth

This week, we’re saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!! for the 4th of July and playing with three important, famous (and extremely real) Americans. American heros, if you will: first president of steez George Washington, blandly valiant comic book staple Captain America and classic outdoorsy type Davy Crockett. Washington is the most powerful, certainly–but did you know he had false teeth made of real teeth?

*shudder* More »

Wed Bed Dead: Would You Sleep With A Mummy For Ancient Egyptian Sex Gossip?

Wed Bed Dead: Would You Sleep With A Mummy For Ancient Egyptian Sex Gossip?

Thanks to Friday’s release of Monsters University, we’ve got monsters on the brain–not the cute, cuddly Pixar kind, though, more of the classic variety. We’ll be playing WBD with Big Foot, the Loch Ness Monster and a Mummy. Not to spoil anything but both of us, remarkably, come to the immediate conclusion that marrying Nessy means being Queen of the Loch. More »

Wed Bed Dead: “I’m Going To Marry Will Smith Because His Dog Died And I Feel Bad”

Wed Bed Dead: "I'm Going To Marry Will Smith Because His Dog Died And I Feel Bad"

This week–in honor of Will Smith‘s weird love letter to Scientology that no one asked for, After Earth–we’re playing with a few of the megastar’s most popular characters: Agent J from the Men in Black franchise, Neville from the zombie/cancer/vampire blockbuster I Am Legend and himself from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Sidenote, do you know the backstory on why the already-successful rapper played himself on a wholesome sitcom (short answer: millions of dollars in unpaid taxes). Hard choices ahead, what with Will Smith looking equally great in a tailored suit and sideways caps and loud prints. More »

Wed Bed Dead: “I’ve Been Wanting Kermit Dead For A Long Time”

Wed Bed Dead: "I've Been Wanting Kermit Dead For A Long Time"

his week on Wed Bed Dead, we’ll be playing with a trio of beloved Muppets: nice guy Kermit the Frog, obvious pervert Gonzo the Weirdo and inimitable superstar Miss Piggy. This is a tough one for us (because Rowlf forever) but seems easier for Jennifer: she’s had it in for Kermit the Frog for many years (no, seriously, she’s wanted to kill him for a long time) and she adores Miss Piggy.

…But if she loves Piggy and kills Kermit, doesn’t she realize the consequences of having sex with Gonzo? More »

Wed Bed Dead: We Are Going To Marry All Of Buffy‘s Leading Men (Except Angel Because He Sucks)

Wed Bed Dead: We Are Going To Marry All Of Buffy's Leading Men (Except Angel Because He Sucks)

This week we are ecstatically excited to play with the leading men of one of the best shows ever, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, in honor of a full decade since the final episode (May 20th, 2003). We’ll be choosing between good/bad/not evil vampire Spike (played by amazing cheekbones-haver James Marsters), dull leather pants-aficionado Angel (played by David Boreanaz) and loyal, dependable, secretly world-saving Xander (played by forever adorable Nicholas Brendan). You can probably guess where we stand. More »

Wed Bed Dead Rum Tum Tugger Is Sexy But We Feel Weird About It

Wed Bed Dead Rum Tum Tugger Is Sexy But We Feel Weird About It

This week, we’re sitting things out because we don’t know anything about musicals–but Jennifer sure does. Another expert in the field is Flavorpill deputy editor (and longtime Gloss pal) Tyler Coates. In today’s installment of WBD, they’re butting heads on three of the world’s most famous musical cats (no, not piano cat): they’re playing with bad boy Rum Tum Tugger, the magical Mr Mistoffelees and tragic glamour cat Grizabella. Will Tugger’s raw sex appeal prevail? Or magic? This is weird. More »

Wed Bed Dead: On The F*ckability Of French Fries With Special Guest Julie Klausner!

Wed Bed Dead: On The F*ckability Of French Fries With Special Guest Julie Klausner!

This week, Jen sits things out while we play a carb-centric game of WBD with a very special guest: the amazing Ms. Julie Klausner.

Julie was kind enough to take time out of her busy schedule–she’s got a brand new book out called Art Girls Are Easy–to come by and discuss the pros and cons of fucking/marrying/and killing some classic carbohydrates: a baguette, a bowl of pasta and a basket of French fries. We managed to avoid any and all jokes about the baguette’s phallic qualities, too! More »

Great Gatsby Wed Bed Dead: Everybody Hates Daisy Buchanan, Right?

Great Gatsby Wed Bed Dead: Everybody Hates Daisy Buchanan, Right?

This week, we’re playing in honor of Baz Luhrmann‘s upcoming glitzy blockbuster, The Great Gatsby (which Jen hated, PS). Today’s trio will therefore be Jay Gatsby (played by Leonardo DiCaprio), Tom Buchanan (played by Joel Edgerton) and Nick Carraway (played by Tobey Maguire). Jen’s dream has always been to marry Gatsby, so the ‘bed’ option is the wild card here. …The one thing everyone is certain about, though, is how hard Daisy sucks. More »