Animals are people, too!
No, they’re not, not really. But I remember a scene in this terrible Greg Kinnear movie called Dear God where the characters say that the ability to care about people other than ourselves, even different from ourselves, is what separates man from beast. Wrong! Incorrect, Greg Kinnear movie! A pack of whales has accepted a deformed dolphin into their midst and now he is a part of their whale family. More
I don’t ask for much, but I would like to go to a place where ponies wear sweaters, and is everything is beautiful and cozy. It’s stupid cold here, and no one is getting me a sweater. Maybe I just want a wooly sweater. Maybe I just wish I were as adorable as a much loved pony. I don’t know. But the answer to everything is “go to Scotland, cold American, everything is adorable there.” On that note, the Visit Scotland Facebook page is now showcasing these ponies: More
Look, if you are smuggling drugs anywhere in the region of your ladyparts, it is probably best not to send cheerful texts about it in general, and especially not say that you’ve got them in your coochie. More
Oh, god, you know how everyone speculates about the real father of Jodie Foster’s kids? His identity is something she says she’ll reveal to her two sons when they are 21, but not before. This is the kind of thing people says they will do in movies, and then they die in a car crash the day before the child’s 21st birthday and the child has go on a voyage where they discover not only the identity of their father, but also, themselves.
So, yeah, it’s probably Mel Gibson. More
This is what happens when you give a homophobe a pen and paper: “P.S. my daughter also was gay. It destroy her life and my grandson.” More
“My mom asked me to get something from her drawer and as I moved away her socks, I saw all these naked photos of her in a bathtub,” said my friend Ayanna the other night. More
I think it’s fun. I think Amber Rose’s outfit is good fun. More
They’re going to be better, monarchies.
Jumping into the Atlantic Ocean on New Years Day isn’t exactly what I had in mind, but hey, if this is the most dangerous thing my husband has asked of me (so far). I’m pretty lucky. More
Yesterday, you may recall I said The Gloss staff would give you pictures of us on NYE, and it would be like a party, all full of merriment. Here is that party. Maybe turn on some music for it. More
And its name shall be Kreation.
Hah, no, probably not. I bet it will be Karen. Or Balthazar. I just really want that name to make a comeback. If not with Princess William and Kate Middleton then with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West who are, God help us, our version of royalty. More
Firstborn (male): You will always turn in library books a day early or a day late; never on time. At any given point in your life one of your best friends will secretly and intensely resent you. You will never be sure which one it is. Upon reaching your seventh birthday, you will find that you can understand the speech of birds; unfortunately, all birds are constantly talking shit about you, even swans. More
And it’s not just because your family ran out of whisky, is it? More
Perhaps you received too many Apple products. Perhaps you received an insufficient number of Apple products and risk being drummed out of the local chapter of your Apple product society. Perhaps the spirit of Steve Jobs’ recently impounded yacht will haunt your dreams tonight; that is a matter for your conscience.
Perhaps everyone you know bought you a candle. If you are a survivalist; all to the good. Pack them in your survivin’ shelter and wait for time to prove you right. If you are not a survivalist, find a way to make peace with the fact that no one really knows you; no one even bothered to pretend to know you. More