Topic: Family

Whales Have Adopted A Deformed Dolphin

Whales Have Adopted A Deformed Dolphin

Animals are people, too!

No, they’re not, not really. But I remember a scene in this terrible Greg Kinnear movie called Dear God where the characters say that the ability to care about people other than ourselves, even different from ourselves, is what separates man from beast. Wrong! Incorrect, Greg Kinnear movie! A pack of whales has accepted a deformed dolphin into their midst and now he is a part of their whale family. More »

I Would Like To Visit Scotland And See Some Ponies Wearing Sweaters

I Would Like To Visit Scotland And See Some Ponies Wearing Sweaters

I don’t ask for much, but I would like to go to a place where ponies wear sweaters, and is everything is beautiful and cozy. It’s stupid cold here, and no one is getting me a sweater. Maybe I just want a wooly sweater. Maybe I just wish I were as adorable as a much loved pony. I don’t know. But the answer to everything is “go to Scotland, cold American, everything is adorable there.” On that note, the Visit Scotland Facebook page is now showcasing these ponies: More »

Did Mel Gibson Father Jodie Foster’s Kids?

Did Mel Gibson Father Jodie Foster's Kids?

Oh, god, you know how everyone speculates about the real father of Jodie Foster’s kids? His identity is something she says she’ll reveal to her two sons when they are 21, but not before. This is the kind of thing people says they will do in movies, and then they die in a car crash the day before the child’s 21st birthday and the child has go on a voyage where they discover not only the identity of their father, but also, themselves.

So, yeah, it’s probably Mel Gibson. More »

What You Don’t Know About Birth Order

What You Don't Know About Birth Order

Firstborn (male): You will always turn in library books a day early or a day late; never on time. At any given point in your life one of your best friends will secretly and intensely resent you. You will never be sure which one it is. Upon reaching your seventh birthday, you will find that you can understand the speech of birds; unfortunately, all birds are constantly talking shit about you, even swans. More »

What To Do With Christmas Gifts You Don’t Want

What To Do With Christmas Gifts You Don't Want

Perhaps you received too many Apple products. Perhaps you received an insufficient number of Apple products and risk being drummed out of the local chapter of your Apple product society. Perhaps the spirit of Steve Jobs’ recently impounded yacht will haunt your dreams tonight; that is a matter for your conscience.

Perhaps everyone you know bought you a candle. If you are a survivalist; all to the good. Pack them in your survivin’ shelter and wait for time to prove you right. If you are not a survivalist, find a way to make peace with the fact that no one really knows you; no one even bothered to pretend to know you. More »