Perhaps you received too many Apple products. Perhaps you received an insufficient number of Apple products and risk being drummed out of the local chapter of your Apple product society. Perhaps the spirit of Steve Jobs’ recently impounded yacht will haunt your dreams tonight; that is a matter for your conscience.
Perhaps everyone you know bought you a candle. If you are a survivalist; all to the good. Pack them in your survivin’ shelter and wait for time to prove you right. If you are not a survivalist, find a way to make peace with the fact that no one really knows you; no one even bothered to pretend to know you. More
If anything, all I’ve heard as a result of the Newton, Conn. school shooting is people saying that we need 1) more conversations about gun control and 2) more conversations about mental health. But, apparently, there are also people saying “we should go buy a ton of guns.” More
As you are certainly aware, Adam Lanza is the disturbed young man responsible for the Sandy Hook school shooting in Newton, Conn. A former babysitter claims that Lanza’s mother was aware of her son’s inclinations, and that she told the babysitter “to keep an eye on him at all times … to never turn my back, or even to go to the bathroom or anything like that.” Which makes a lot of us question whether, if she knew that her son was this disturbed, should she have taken more action? Should she have locked him up, or had him institutionalized? What was her duty as a parent, and as a member of society? More
Look at the Duchess of Cambridge! Look at Kate Middleton’s first public appearance at the Sport’s Personality of the Year award, where she is continuing to fake her pregnancy while wearing a lovely Alexander McQueen dress. More
Well, I am crying now. It seems obvious to say, but the school shooting in Sandy Hook is just making me very, very sad.
I don’t really understand why things like the Sandy Hook shooting seem to happen. I know people have mental disorders, and there are insufficient gun control laws, and all the other explanations that we use whenever people decide to shoot down a bunch of unarmed people. Still, in some deeper way, I still do not understand how anyone can walk into a room of children and shoot at them without some fundamentally human part of themselves stopping them. More
And gifts for everyone! More
You know, I actually like the name Olive.
It reminds me of Olive Oyl, and I’m in favor of that.
On Ellen, Drew Barrymore claimed that ” I was reading a book with my husband, and I was three months pregnant. They said your baby is the size of an Olive and that was it.” Huh! It’s not commonly known, but Peaches Geldof was the size of a peach through that entire pregnancy. Let’s look at some other celebrity babies named after foods. More
Calm down! Casey Anthony was spotted in a normal place! It’s not nearly as terrible as it could be. More
Maybe! There are clues! There are clues about the gender of Kate Middleton‘s royal baby to be (who I am still betting will be named Diana, or, terrifying, Dion. Or Balthazar.) And the clues point to it being a girl. More
Well, this is really sad. Remember the people who prank called the hospital where Kate Middleton was staying? They pretended to be the Queen, and got a nurse to give them some information? The nurse basically said that Kate was doing fine? The nurse’s name was Jacintha Saldanha. She is now dead, in what is thought to be a suicide. More
Okay, I have already said that Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge’s, royal baby should be named either “Oona” or “Balthazar” because I have the best taste. Also, I think Balthazar is the kind of name that makes people think twice before tangling with Britain, you know? Oona doesn’t really do anything, but it’s really fun to say. Oona. Oo-na. Oooooooona.
In all likelihood, Prince William and Kate are actually going to name the baby Diana. More
You do, because every single thing Vice President Joe Biden bought when he attended the opening of a new Costco in the Washington D.C. area was either patriotic or adorable. More
So, someone named their child Hashtag.
Little Hashtag is going to, from an early age, have a deep rooted desire to compartmentalize everything. You know that scene in high school movies where some nerdy kid shows a chart of how the cafeteria arranged in order of popularity? Hastag is going to do that. Unfortunately, since no one has ever done that in real life, people are going to think that Hashtag is a lunatic.
But he’s going to make great lists, later.
Here are some likely outcomes for other names, since this will be a trend now. More
I just want to remind you of the spirit of the holiday, like always. Since it seemed contrived and mildly Victoria’s Secret-y to showcase a Native American for Shelved Dolls this week, and since there are no lady Pilgrims, I’m stumped on how to do that. So I’m going to let a little lady named Wednesday Addams explain the true meaning of Thanksgiving for you. Remember: these savages are our guests. It may be helpful to you in the days to come.