Look. I don’t really object to fur in a sincere way. I think it looks fantastic. The other day I was walking into a dive bar and saw a woman wearing a mink coat walking out, and I wanted to become Fellini so I could make a movie featuring such a scene. But I didn’t. Maybe you have a better shot at that than I do, if you are someone who knows how to work a basic video camera. The only sadness I felt upon seeing such a thing was sadness that I was not a film director.
Suffice to say, I’m really not opposed to fur. At all. But I still don’t feel quite entirely right about wearing it.
However, when I mention this, a lot of people say “but you eat meat!” I do. I eat a whole ton of meat, pretty un-apologetically. I can debate the best steakhouse in Manhattan with you for a surprisingly long length of time. And yet… More
Being inept at fashion in general, I had assumed that Fashion Week might just hold those beautiful, romantic looks I’ve been searching for all this time. Sadly, I was mistaken. The runways are cray. They’re amazing and interesting and gorgeous, no doubt, but totally cray. More
I am thinking of trying to transform myself into The White Witch, because, as a human being, 20 degree weather is not working out for me. I am not keeping warm. I don’t even have great ideas on how to keep warm. Warmth is actively attempting to flee my extremities. I came back from lunch, and it took a good half hour until I could type like a person again. My fingers, they froze up on the walk back. I was wearing gloves. iPhone friendly gloves, but still. More
These are the reasons you hate New Year’s Eve, and there are reasons you say you hate New Year’s Eve.
I believe what you say is not quite what you mean. More
Look, I helped you with your winter coat problems, now you must help me. More
I am going to wrap you up and keep you all cozy this winter. It will be like I am cradling you in my arms as you brave the elements, but not that weird. (Additionally, I believe it would cost at least $500 for me to function as your human coat). More
People are sick of watching you walk down the street in the snow and sleet just dressed in some basic black coat-thing. Why are you making winter worse? Why are you ruining everything? And how can you look more like this lady in the picture, short of getting an Audrey Hepburn cut and holding your arms in some little robot-dancing position? Here’s how! More
If you’ve given up the last vestiges of creativity and are just going with sex as an entirely approrpiate, generally appreciated holiday present, we found some things for you to wear. We also found some things for you to not wear, unless you’re the kind of girl who can really make them hilarious, in which case, go for it. More
This is the kind of thing we probably wouldn’t have noticed if someone hadn’t circled it in red… More
We’ve done a lot of investigative, eggnog fueled research on this. If you can find all 7 guys personality types at a holiday party, just scream “bingo” or something. We’ll be there. We’ll get it. We’ll think it’s hilarious. More
Have you ever thought “this year, for Christmas, I should dress up as Santa Claus, for normal, sane, adult-attended parties?” No? That is why you will never be a celebrity. Or at least, not a Katy Perry or Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears inexplicably-channeling-the-sexy-side-of-Santa-Claus type celebrity. Maybe you can be a Hemingway type of celebrity. That would be fun, too. Less furry hats, though. More
We assume Courtney Stodden will be celebrating the Christmas spirit on her upcoming Funny or Die appearence, given the bright red bikini under her leopard print coat. More
Do you like bringing good cheer by insulting people and just being horrifying? We’ve got your most offensive Holiday/Christmas t-shirts right here! More
What like most about this chart on how much to drink at your holiday office party is that, regardless of whether you work at a cool or uncool company, that company will be providing a full open bar with some sort of pina coladas? Some sort of blue substance in a funny shaped glass, anyway. We know it’s fun because of the umbrella. And a cactus in a shot glass, maybe? Whatever. All of these companies are cool because they seemingly still have holiday party funds and are not making you stick to white wine spritzers. Go out and drink like you’re skilled labor. More