Editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff received a very strange press release this week. It began, “Rumor is spreading that Arianna Huffington might be an extra-terrestrial living beneath the guise of a renowned public figure and media empress.” HA HA! They said. HA HA!
But… what if? More
May 4th was Star Wars day–”May the fourth be with you”–and editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff should have done a Star Wars-themed post but they didn’t! Instead, they let their ideas ripen! If you need a refresher on how to play Fuck Marry Kill, well, that sure surprises us, but here’s one anyway. Today’s players are the original trilogy’s protagonists as well as the Big Bad. More
It’s Regrets Week, as you know. Editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff have some feelings about the kinds of regrets you should have. Jennifer has no regrets, basically, because Ashley took them all. Also, The Last Unicorn, pie, nudie pics and other matters. Oh, and these jerks. More
Today, someone sent us a Buzzfeed list of TV shows cancelled after one episode that culminated with Heil Honey I’m Home!–a show about domestic screwball bliss between Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun–which reminded us the show existed in the first place. Here, editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff try to parse what makes one joke about Hitler acceptable and another “in poor taste.” Then, they try and one-up the brains behind Heil Honey! and shit gets pretty dark. More
Polarizing xoJane staffer Cat Marnell–she of the horrible birth control advice–has decided to get help for her addictions. Great! Coincidentally, she’s just been profiled by New York. Editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff have had lots of criticism for Marnell in the past but now that she’s getting help… do they (or should they) feel any different? More
What with all the nostalgia surrounding the rerelease of Titanic, Gloss EIC Jennifer Wright decided to revisit another cornerstone of her teen years: Daria. Unfortunately, the experience of watching now wasn’t quite how she remembered. Here, she and Deputy editor Ashley Cardiff discuss teen angst, Holden Caulfield and how the things you liked as a teenager were dumb. More
Perhaps you’ve seen viral sensation 13 Simple Steps To Get You Through A Rough Day floating around social networking sites. If you haven’t, it amounts to, “Animals are cute, Ryan Gosling is still a dream and be glad you’re not these other assholes!” The list miffed EIC Jennifer Wright, as she despises videos of cute animals and images with words on them. Here, she and Deputy editor Ashley Cardiff discuss 13 actual ways of cheering up, including but not limited to bath salts, cream cheese, and stealing. More
Esquire recently published a feature entitled “Why We Cheat” by Lisa Taddeo, which details her trysts with married men in elaborately, impressively purple prose. TheGloss is appalled all over and we think a better title might be, “Why Lisa Taddeo Is An Asshole,” because she spends a few thousand words explaining how being on the “side of the winners” is all about hating other women but loving to fuck their husbands! Actual sentence: “Every time I meet a married woman, I think about the things she does that likely annoy her husband.” Anyway, editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff are still reeling. Here, they dissect infidelity, why they wouldn’t fuck each other’s husbands and all the awesome shit they’ll do for their husbands to keep them from sleeping with Lisa Taddeo (like rappelling from ceilings unexpectedly)! More
Tragedy struck recently when Til, a famously earless baby bunny, was crushed by a cameraman at the height of its sudden fame. The editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff are apparently in a very dark place right now and, ahead, discuss baby Til, Holocaust jokes, Bubonic Plague (and you), Crush films, humiliating children on their birthdays and also that Liam Neeson wolf-killing movie that isn’t really about him killing wolves. And Ashley’s birthday! More
It’s Valentine’s Day week, which means you’ll be up to your ears in slideshows and lists chronicaling the top X romantic comedies of all time. Editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff are discussing the genre today–predictably, Jennifer is for and Ashley is against. One point on which they both agree, however, is that while it may not be a romantic comedy, The Hole is excellent. More
Sometimes, Editor in Chief Jennifer Wright and deputy editor Ashley Cardiff just want to dance. Normal, non-antisemitic dancing. Which is to say, in a way that has nothing to do with the godawful 1993 movie Swing Kids starring Christian Bale. As a dancing Nazi. Here, they discuss this and other movies in which dancing and Nazis converge. More
Little kids are like stupid sponges. They soak up all kinds of knowledge even when you don’t want them to. Editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff carried an unexpected lifetime of lessons with them after watching Beauty & the Beast as young girls. Predictably, they were the wrong lessons.
The other night, TheGloss‘ Deputy Editor Ashley Cardiff was surfing through Netflix Instant for her favorite genres–”critically acclaimed understated independent violent movies,” obviously–when one striking cover caught her eye. It belonged to a lesser known movie from 1990 called White Palace. Lured by the image’s outlandishly steamy qualities, she discovered that the film concerns a young James Spader (!) ensnared in a sexy romance with a much older and poorer Susan Sarandon. Ashley proceeded to watch White Palace. She came into the office today to boast about her strange, exciting experience only to discover… Editor in Chief Jennifer Wright fucking loves White Palace. Here, they dicuss. More
Editor in Chief Jennifer Wright is deeply in love with Margaret Thatcher and conflicted about The Iron Lady. Deputy Editor Ashley Cardiff is tired and will let her talk about that for a while. Nothing will be explained. More